CaRaMeL

2011-06-21T23:39:00.002+08:00

i seriously have a great feeling something happen.

I dreamt. i can feel it in my body.

i know that something happen.

otherwise why would i actually cried

in the middle of the night?

maybe im being paranoid,

or maybe im just insecure.

but my heart just cannot stop hurting.

there is something

otherwise im crazy.

what is love?

what is it all about?

how come it hurts more ?

i thought it was pleasuring.

what the fuck is happening.

if i could turn the days,

i would.

i would enjoy every minute of it,

every seconds.

i really hope u read this.

i really think something happen.

2011-05-21T12:33:00.001+08:00

guess what?
i did not realise i had twitter last year JULY!?
lol..
only found it wen i browse thru my phone.
and i was log in?
hahhaha

2011-05-21T11:38:00.002+08:00

meet with my bbygirls on thursday.
lepak session ..
i skip school the next day
and went to work.
my pocket seem to need alot of $$..

i went to have a moment with faris yest.

There is something in my mind.
Really ,it disturb me alot.
but till now i cant actually figure it out.
What actually happen?
and why am i so uneasy?
Sometimes i really feel like blowing up.
But i cant.
I want to go away from here.
i just need to breath.
=(

What is it?
i just feel so down this few days.
especially when im at home.
it disturbs.

----------------------

2011-05-14T21:59:00.002+08:00

On Thursday,
I went out with two bitches.
It was a last min plan ,
but we still manage to make it a simple girls outing.
Just this round, Sheeqeen is not able to make it.
Next time okie?

Well, we ate BURGER KING,
bought a ticket to watch fast n furious 5,
lidiana went home ,
cass proceed to buy mac donald,
we went to 124,
and slack till late night.
=))))))

So girls ,more outing okie?
i want to karaoke ,
pretty please,
or maybe beaches?
=))

The following day,
i sat home until 6 ,
proceed to School,
i mean who would not find school boring ???
i still need diploma,
saying about studies,
if there is an opportunity ,
i would like to have a degree too.
i need to study hard and smart.
just in case i wont have someone to help
me in the future,
atleast i do have certs to help me later on.

Money is king ,
dont u all know that?

Faris pick me up from school,
we had our dinner at Macdonald.
and we went home,
cause he is tired..

Today, i wasted my whole day.
i just sat at home,
play my sims 3
watch movie.
i went out to meet azmeel for 1 hour
and back home.
=((

As time goes by,
i feel like my life is lifeless.
blearrghhhh~~

i cant wait for tomorrow!
meeting faris!
WEEE~~~

2011-05-12T00:32:00.004+08:00

no matter how much i feel like killing him yesterday,
i gave up yesterday night,
i hurt myself with some small pieces of glasses.
and i just decided to text him and complain.
real complain.
and finally said that i dont want to fight.
which brings to today,
fetching me from my night school.
and dinner .

Only two days of schooling,
and i can already feel the stressed.
i can feel my brain cells absorbing all the info.
Eventhough accounting was my thing for 2 years back then.
I HAVE THROWN IT FAR AWAY!
damn i shouldnt.
but its okey,
lets absorb the knowledge slowly.

i really miss my girls,
i really want to go out, hang out.
but i just cant find
the real date or day,
where everyone would be totally free.

Im planning to sit home tomorow.
GOSH! but i just dont think so.
I mean tomorow is the day,
when im totally free,
if i waste tomorow,
Friday i wont get to go out
because im Schooling at night.
u see, DILEMMA.
SAT SUN would be like hurray,
Sun would definitely be with my girls.
Monday working,
Tuesday working,
Friday working.
Ok stop it.
i think about it.

i have pimples nowadaes.
WHY?

Im really in love.
Seriusly.
Do u guys know ,
he is not bad, only iritating
and ego which is normal as a guy.
he got his good side,
which i will never ever want to live w/o it.
and he is the first guy in my life,
who really appreciate me.
who seen my worst.
i will never ever want to leave this guy
for stupid reasons..
he turn me to who i am now,
compared to 1 year 9 months ago....
maybe i wont even start school
if i dont know him.
and maybe not working in
Uss too..

thank you .

2011-05-11T00:51:00.001+08:00

Finally i finish my new blog skin
thanks to lidiana.
=))

and he has not yet
replied my text...

what if life was a dream,
and when u die ,
u finally wake up
from a bad dream.

what should i do..
if he ignores me ..

2011-05-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

why..
why..
why..

lidiana decided to be my love advisor.
thanks lid for today,
i really appreciate it so much.
i really thank u for being there for me today.

i just dont know what to say about him.
it my fault. yes i know.
i did not know that the photo is in the folder.
i seriusly dont know.
im really sorry ,
really sorry,

but if u were in my house yest night,
and today,
u know that pretence is all around.
they act like they okie.
but u know they not.
i hate it so much.
i just could feel that this is not real
its not.
yest glass broken ,
chair here and there.
which girl can be ok with this sight,
but who cares.
even the one that i swore to be my last .
wont be there,
and dragging about the pic story..

i need strength,
at least,
to be prepared ...
to be more indepence.
like last time..
i wonder how i did it.

2011-05-10T15:41:00.003+08:00

so where it will take me?
i cannot believe that when im in the biggest trouble,
he left me .
what do you feel when the only place u feels belong ,
is not accepting you.
and the person who will always be there decided to bail out,
because of god knows what.
i still cant believe ..

How much he hurt me,
i would akways go back to him.
especially when he had problems.
If he is in my place i bet,
he would feel how painful,
the most painful.

Im meeting lidiana,my friend.
She is the only one who seems to be free today.
im going to blog alot nowadaes..

i bought my own lappy.
i guess its easier for me this way.
to talk about my own feelings,
to express it every time..

im back diary.

im schooling at this school name.
SDH.
and still working as a part time at
Universal studio Singapore.

i really want him to be really there ,
its my first time to off my phone
for the whole day.

Maybe when u are in a difficult position ,
not everyone wants to be there for you.
to feel the pain.

.........

2011-02-25T10:42:00.002+08:00

ya allah,
ape ini semue satu dugaan.
haish.

isit me?
because from what i can see its me.
they say its my fault.
but what if i just dont want to treated like shit.

im jus begging ,
if he is not my fate,
please show it to me,
because im not ready for any heartbreaking.

if only u reading this,
u might know how much im afraid to lose you.

i just want to be happy.
i just want attention.
but again,
maybe its my fault.

its only 1 year 2 months.
what is coming for the next few months?

today,
i know that something will change,
after 1 year 2 months.
and i got a feeling that it would be bad.
god pls,
make it feel better.

...............

it sux to be kika.

2011-02-22T09:14:00.002+08:00

SELAMAT PO.
i have been learning diff language now,
ever since i work in USS,
ok im still working there,
its like 9 months already.
they given me my 13 month pay,
but its pro-rated.
--shits--
im waiting for my BONUS,
but maybe i wont get it
BECAUSEEEEEE

latest highlight,
applied for my poly already,
but i got a GREAT GREAT feeling,
that i would not be accepted again.
=_________="

my friends have been a great ass girls,
i love them,
we do have gatherings,
happy times,
lepak session
but its not that often because we have our own life,
haha.
nothing had happen to the rest,
except one,
i just hope that we could just be like last time,
but obviously everyone change,
LIKE ME.
=DD

Relationship have been very ok not ok thing.
Our anniversary went well that day,
Studio M is a THUMBS UP!
hurray.

Its just that i dont understand him that well,
what he really expect from me.
i given myself high hopes, hoping everything from him,
but it came crashing down,
and me end up with tears,
not once , not twice,
almost every single day.

The thing that i hate the most is,
I LOVE HIM.
i cannot leave without him.
i cannot imagine life without him.
no dates,
no lust,
no laughter.

but he will not be there,
when i need him the most,
and he knows,
but he will not be there.
never.
ever.
be.
there.
for.
me.
instead he will go have fun.

so who am i?
a whore.
for sex and fun.

but as always,
he do have his positive point though,
he bought me PRESENTS.
he has only me.
and till now,
we still love each other.

FRIENDS AND BOYFRIEND.
i hate that part.
people always go saying ,
yr friend is much more important.
i dont really think so that ,
they much a diff.
friends and boyfriend,
they are the same.
they should be treated the same level.
when your friend need you , be there.
when yr bf/gf need you, be there too.
when u out with your friend having lunch or just slacking,
and your gf/BF saying that she is sick, damn sick,
please people do something about it.
dont just ignore and stay with your friend..
especially when u always leave your gf/bf
for your friends...

ITS NOT FAIR.

2010-12-26T11:39:00.002+08:00

maybe i was so into it.
maybe i was the one who wants it that much.
maybe if i were not too gaga
then i would not be crying on my anniversary celebration.
i mean who would thought the day that u would want to spent
the whole night and day with him,
only him,
could be just a joke to him.
after 3 days , i let him off to met his friend in the hospital,
he just could not take one day off for our anniversary,
ya its true ,who would thought that could happen,
maybe i was in the wrong.
yes true.
but i just wanted the best for my anniversary.
maybe god showing me something.
but i just could not understand it,
but to cry.

thank you so much.
my day could not have been worst.

2010-11-12T20:54:00.003+08:00

my oh my,
i think i've gone thru alot this few weeks.
maybe it was not my luck .
but i do not want the next few weeks to be ugly too.
oh my.

i admit that some of the stupid things
happen due to me,
well obviously ,
i am that kind of girl.
i admit that i am the girl where u know,
problems just could not resist if it wont stop by,
even for awhile.

and im the type who will not forgive
that easily to some people,
who of course,
did a great mistake to me,
like my reputation or saying things that i dont even do,
or just there to ruin my relationship,
happiness,
ya, im not a believer for a second chance,
cos they did it to shut me,
why they cant do it again right?
because i dont think
some people can really change
just like that,
maybe they just accept you,
because
of some situation.

lets skip that,
money ,yes,
it can buy u like almost everything,
and yes, money cant buy you pure love,
and shits,
but what can pure love give u ?
that happiness when u have ALOT ALOT of cashh
$$$$$$$$
well, im not being a typical type,
but the more i see this life,
the more typical it is,
so damn it k,
to whoever saying,
i just need love, i dont need the money.
so eat sand okey?
and try to live.
u wont be happy,
like the billionaire,
even if they are divorced ,
they still got the money,
to satisfy
watever needs that u want.
so yarp,
im so going back to school,
and study,
get a higher education,
i bet that marriage can wait,
wait okey?

next step,
have u ever cried while walking?
i have
have u ever been left like that,abandoned?
i have.
have u ever been left at the side of the road?
i have.
have u ever cried inside the mrt?
i have.
have u ever cried inside your workplace toilet?
yup ,a few times.
have u ever felt that u are just not worth it?
always.
have u ever felt u're not important in yr love heart?
wow, like every day.
have u ever felt like leaving him?
yup, killing him too.
but despite all that, do you still love him?
ya, i do. and i dont know what is going
to make me hate him.
i just love him,
simply love.
the thought of him going away,
can make me go crazy.
i dont care.
he is kind,
but sometimes, its just me.

when love doesnt go your way,
maybe it wasnt your partner fault,
maybe its you.
maybe you are being sensitive,
maybe you are being too possessive.
maybe u control him too much.
i learn to let go a little bit,
i used to be all ga-ga .
but being to ga-ga
will make you worst
if your partner is not too ga-ga.
so i learn to let go a little.
maybe it will make me feel better,
at least.
=)

man,
im so into into into you.

9 feb,
i will apply my poly .
just hope i get the chance.
i need something to concentrate.

=(
furthermore,
its so difficult to have
boyfriend schooling and you werking.
friends schooling.
i just miss studying with them.

so life oh life,
where will u take me next year,
this year was a journey
through life ,love ,frens.
will next year be
life, work,schooling ,love and frens.

lets just wait and see.

2010-11-06T11:55:00.005+08:00

I turn 19 last few weeks.
and im going to enjoy my last year of being a teenager.
i have already know faris for more than 1 year,
and next mth would be our anniversary.
the time just flies without me realising it that much.
next month would be 2011 already.
and if there is a chance i would be continuing my studies,
and ending my working life in universal studios.

and to add up my girlfriends,
which i would like to specify the names ,
cos some did not attend to some reasons,
so these girls, cassie qin lid,
celebrated my birthday with cakes,
beach and tuna + nutella.
the only word to describe it is
AWE---SOMEEE.
and this is like the kind of first time,
i celebrated my bday with my girls.
i think its great.
and as for my friendship with this girls,
it is not gonna end,
and i can see it,
maybe some arguments,
not meeting each other that much,
not all girls will be there,
but we will still stay together u know.
so what is our plans for end of year?
=(

From what i know now ,
my life is messed up,
alot of people is messing with my head,
and i think i have overstress myself,
till i cannot get a hang of everything,
and i will just blurt out some nonsense
that would hurt the other party feelings,
but oh boy,
i dont care cause what im saying is the truth,
i cannot act all cool,
when its hurting the ass out of me right?

Every single things this few months
is not right and sometimes it dont really make sense.
like wen u add up $3+$2=5.
and i say its wrng bcos u never put the dollar sign infront of it.
but its actually okey,and i dont need to make a big deal out of it,
and its all because i wan to see perfectness.
u know like FULL SCORE.
but who the hell get FULL SCORE all the time,
i dont , especially in my math .
or maybe im expecting more
and more and more as i grow older.

And i got this sickness of all attention on me ,
please.
i know i cant always get it,
but i get it at home, so im expecting the same outside.
but not that kind of .oi please look at me,
hello look at me, hello be with me.
nope nope nope.
just some u know ,hey i exist?
but it kind of difficult for other people
that they go.
lying at u all times,
cheat yr feelings,
they exist.
and they dont care how u feel ,
like how u stand up for them.
but for them,
hey u wont let me go ryte?
its ok, she forgive me,
but till when ?

and u know till the day,
when u ask your bf ,
whether he have the intention to find a new one,
because u are being a bitch,
and he says no la crazy,
that is the day ,
you will know that ,
yr love is still there, and strong.

and because my boyfriend,
has a cute little kitty kind of attitude,
i just cannot be that angry with him.

and please,
dont always steal him from me,
i need him too u know.
please clock.
please time,
please to everything tat always make him
so busy.

and i have just gone through
almost everything from last year,
tat i realise that ,
something-s change..
if im given like a few hours with numb feeling,
without handphone,
just alone.
i would take the moment.

wuuuuhh,
it has always been that difficult.

........................

2010-10-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

and fyi,
im like 40% of thinking to let go.
im sorry

2010-10-01T13:36:00.003+08:00

things are going fine as usual.
i have gone thru puasa and raya too.
alot of things has been happening.
conflicts among friends,
among other people,
with faris.

but as u can see im still standing..

im still confused on whether i should continue my studies,
to tell the truth,
i dont even have the cents to study.
i need to find a new job that can feed me more money.

saying about my job,
im still in dino store,
i have fun friends, loving people.
but as time come,
im bored,
i dont feel like working there,
im lazy to even wake up.
im bored.
i need a new job, but i just dont know
where shud i go.
at least 1.6- 1.7 of pay.
i need to atleast bring home 1.4.
then i can live.

as for today,
im on mc because im having flu.
the point is im tired.
of like everything.

faris make me cried yesterday alone,
and for real i would like to say,
i was about to leave him.
but my heart just kept saying,
yes , but how?
what will happen tomorow?
will u be able to cope?
but then i just could not resist him,
and all i do is ignore my intention.
i've talked,i've cried.
he listen , he cried.
but would everything be okie,
would everything return to the first time i know you.
the attention , the love , like everything.
the answer is no.
that was last time.
and no, it will not be the same.
but at least ,
let it be better than now.
cause i gave u not half, not quarter,
i gave u all,
and it was wrong to do that.
but its all said and done.
if he decided to let it be this way,
i just got to cry.
cause im left with nothing.

and thats the reason i blog today,
i want to see what will happen tomorow.
im just expressing ,
some things that i can not express to anyone.

he may not be my first,
he may be mine now,
but wats for sure,
he may also not be my last.
but i hope this moment that we are having now,
will be a great memory.

i just got one wish,
let him be my last.

..

......

...

2010-08-27T22:30:00.000+08:00

u know what sux!
this sux.
what has been happening sux!

if u wont listen,
then i will not listen to you asshole

2010-08-13T21:06:00.003+08:00

im still with faris.
im still working at the same place.
i have a new phone.
i have alot of new friends at work.
im still trying my best to be together with my friends.

in a blink of an eye,
i've already known faris for 1 year.
be his gf for 8 months
im so proud of myself.
im so proud of us, that we are still loving each other.
he is the best i ever had,
and i dont want to let him go.
please god.
i love him so much.

i miss my friends alot.
we have not have our gathering
from the day nitah came back from perth.
oh my god.
=((

this year fasting is a little bit diff,
im fasting while working.
its a little bit more challenging
then schooling.
and yay yay,
this is my first year fasting with my boyfriend,
wow,
i feel so happy.

i just want to tell everybody in this world.
that i am the happiest girl this few months.
and i want to stay that way.
i have nothing to complain.
cause u know.
I FEEL COMPLETE.

2010-07-11T11:06:00.000+08:00

cute kan dia?
cute kan..
i know.
dia cute giler.
so cute

2010-07-03T00:10:00.002+08:00

i have nothing to post.
i have nothing to say.
my life is so boring.
boring.
boringggg!!!

work, home, work, home ,work home.
off and work again.
no life man!
work, bf ,fren.
da the end!

i miss non working life like shyt.

and without me realising.
im half a year with my bf.
and we have 2 mths to go,
and it will be 1 year knowing him.
woooo
so fast,
and i never realise it.

gf lid,
pass her driving license,
and she turn 19..
im happy for her,
at least she get to achieve 2 things when she is 19,
dip and license,
so friend,
be happy and proud of what u became,
dont let others bring u down,
no matter if that person is close to you.
=))))

another 2 gf, ita n iqin,
manage to get a work at sentosa
with me.

my gf dhyl,
blessed with a job and a nice boyfren,
and soon having a pretty nails,
right? *Winks*

my gf yaya,
blessed with a job..
a stable income, a nice environment.

my other ite girlfriends,
they achieve to get higher studies,
and continue their life,
one of them having a great bf
to share her joy.

my other girls,
in uss,
happy with their work,
blessed with a happy life.
lots of ka-chings.

my family,
very happy,
extra income from me,haha!
and my bro getting engaged.

and me..
having the best ever boyfriend,
who would fetch me from work,
bear with my mood,
bear with my everything.
listen to my complaints,
but still giving me the best time ever.
also having a great gfs,
who is happy with their life,
getting every single thing that they want,
even though we are busy,
we are still together as one,
as always.
adding up, having a great family,
to return to,
after a long day at work,
lastly,
having the most comfortable bed,
that would make me feel all fresh in the morning.
and its calling me now..

see,
we can make our life better,
if we just follow the flow,
face up the challenges.
and i bet,
everything would be.
OK

2010-06-20T15:03:00.003+08:00

tired tired tired.
i have been working like a hard werkin
buffalo.
im bored!
i miss slacking my ass off,
and be FAT!

i miss dating with boyfriend.!
i miss lepak with my girls.
i miss saying,
eh boleh ar ako sentiase free.

boooooo!!!!!

okie im meeting my girls,
and see u faris,
TOMORROW!
im so going to change my pictures!

2010-06-05T16:18:00.004+08:00

Have you ever felt so bored before,
that u want to just go grab someone
and ask that particular person to just have fun with you?

i am now.
like totally.

on my off days
and i am having the most boring off day.
i just feel like killing myself.

i need that attention like seriously,
my mum say that i am an attention seeker,
but whats wrong,
its my damn off day!!!!!!!

and one thing that really bothers me now is,
whats wrong with you??
i dont even criticize you ,
and u keep on criticizing me like i owe u a big time.
it sucks!

it sucks knowing that when u are on off day,
and when u are boring ,
when u feel like ,
u are the most bored girl on earth!

it is saturday!!!
come on!
saturday siah!
urghhh.

by the way,
i have been crying a lot this week,
im stress, im tired, and i just dont get what i want.
and that can lead me to crying.
wtfffffffffff...

and i feel like crying now,
cause i feel so bored, lonely.
urrrr!

fuck today

so ,
anyone ?
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

2010-06-02T21:34:00.002+08:00

two weeks training to be a retail girl
in universal studio was awesome.
i learn a lot of good points.
being the best.
good services.
and when i tried to really
analyze back Singaporean service,
ya it kind of low.
so yeah.
i cant wait to really start work
at
UNIVERSAL STUDIO.
WUHUU!

As you can see,
i found a lot of great friends there,
the ones who will always disturb me,
it felt more like classmate rather than colleague.
next week monday would be the last training,
and the next day will be the real road for me and my friends.
lucks, lucks,lucks,
not forgetting role play is on monday.

My life has been great,
i feel so blessed.
thank you,
maybe i just need to do something
in my life just to make me feel
all good about myself.

however,as always,
life is not too perfect.
i do not want to comment anything here.
but seriously,
im all heartbroken and sad.
i feel like shit.

whatever it is,
i cant wait for tomorrow.
=))

goodbye

2010-05-28T12:20:00.002+08:00

what if i get all lonely
and i really need someone beside me.
who do i go to?
i just feel so alone now.
sorry

the last time i met my boyfren was
friday i think,
to a real date.
the last 2 hours meetin was on monday.
and till now i have not met him,
the last phone call was mon,
sms-ing has been limited due to work.
and we are not going to meet this weekend.
see how crazy it is.
the last talk session was 4 days ago.
the last date was 7 days ago.
the last meet up was 4 days,
couting tomorow n sunday will be 6 days of
NO NO FARIS.

can anyone imagine
how stress, depress, heart crack2 i am.
i miss him.
like so badly.
=(((

but on the bright side,
my girls decided to ON the lepak session back.
i met them,
they give me good service,
puas hati.
and im home,
back to the part where i would be staring at the phone.
for sms to cum in.
and it has only been nitah msgs
sorrry nitah.
hehehe.

i just felt like complainin,
if i complain to my girls,
they nag,
to mumy,
she nag.
so better complain here,
so i will be satisfied,
without being nag at.
=))

im sure everything is gona work,
it is going to be okie.
and i will make it ok
i nid to be strong,
i nid to stay mentally positive.
=))

saying " ITS OK"
make my heart ,eyes, mind.
go insane.

thanks girls
for just now.
thank qin for the treat.
thanks yaya for the crap,
thanks ita for your laughter.
=)

goodnite

2010-05-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

why isit wrong for me to be happy.
why must people be jealous when im happy.
i cannot believe this.
it ruin my day

2010-05-22T15:32:00.002+08:00

dulu waktu umurku belasan taun sudah
aku pernah ingin merasakan apa itu cinta

tapi ku tak tau bagaimana tuk memulai
kadang ada perasaan yang tak bisa kujelaskan
lirik sini lirik sana
oh senangnya

aku suka dia sama dia juga suka
tapi kenapa sih mama bilang kalo ini cinta monyet
oh padahal hatiku sering deg-degan
saat ku dengan si dia
ih hi masa cinta ini cinta monyet

tapi ku tak tau bagaimana tuk memulai
kadang ada perasaan yang tak bisa kujelaskan
lirik sini aku coba lirik sana
oh senangnya

2010-05-21T13:19:00.002+08:00

i really love him.

why am i feeling so in love.
aiyoyoyoyoyoyoyo...

apa nak jadi niee...

nevermind.
enjoy my bf face
once a while okieee?

weeee

2010-05-20T11:44:00.006+08:00

oh my damn god.
looking at this photo make me feel
like i want to kill myself now.
i love that watever i had back then.

time is passing by so quickly
that i have only a few days left
before i really start my life.
and it will be the moment
where i will keep saying.
werking, werking, werking.
urrrrrrr..

even before i started to work,
and earn my own pay.
my parents has been telling me
how much i should contribute to the family.
but surely i give more to mummy..
cause mummy have been on my side ,
always.

i cant wait to get a new hp.
please ,please.
=DD

i just want 2 days.
1 day spend the whole day with my bbygirls.
2nd day , the whole day with my boooooo.
then i would feel contented
and i would be ready to start work.
=DD..

i miss my boo,
he has really been there for me.
and i really want to help him in anything.
i cannot imagine wat will i be
without him.
the most important thing is that,
he makes me feel every single
feelings that a human can feel.
if he is not there,
i'll be numb.
so please god,
give me the chance to be with him ,
and make him my only one.
let us go through
every sufferings and happiness
together .
please do not ever take him away
from me,
cause his laughter is what i want to hear,
every single day in my life.
and
i want to be that girl,
the girl that he wants, he dreams,
that girl who is close to perfect
for him
L.O.V.E
for you.

and neither do i want to lose my girls,
they had me going on,
they been pushing me through my rough times.
they had been with me all the times,
but i miss them.
i miss us being one.
and i cannot imagine,
how life without friends would be.

bye

2010-05-15T14:53:00.006+08:00

life has been unfair towards me
this few days.
i hate it when it feel so sux
and down like this.
everything just in the mess,
and before it could even be fix,
another mess will come in.
dont u tink that is a little cruel?
but yup,
nothing can be done.
things happens.

how i just wish that i was
lying on the patch of grass,
taking in every fresh oxygen left on earth.
seeing those flower blossom, birds chirping.
calm sea.
a very nice weather, a lil bit sunny but with a blow
of cold wind.
and me wearing a yellow dress with a flower at my hair.
smiling all the way.
cause it felt so ... so... calm..
without anyone disturbing you..
its just u.
SNAP OUT OF IT...
maybe in heaven.
cause this is LIFE.

i have been going through a lot this week,
in fact this month.
i learn a lot.

i think motivational quote suck.
they just motivate us.
they are just basically there to make us feel good about our self.
and when we feel good,
we feel that we are at the top of the world.
we conquer everything.
but actually we did not.
because its just words.
a word, an alphabet.
to make u feel good.
But some motivational quotes ,
make us realise something,
make us motivated to do something.
and thats good.
its actually the way u read it, understand it.
and do it.

but my main concern is
such phrases,
girly phrases.
example, i have one in my blog.
it stated,

"you dont like me, tough, i wasnt put here to please you"
to make u believe that u just dont care
what people think about u.
but u actually care.
u just put this sentence to make yourself feel better
about every single thing.

"give a damn about people hating me"
serious?
and later u would go complaining.
and u would write this at yr journal.
just to make you better.

"let people talk about me,
its because im special."
do you think you are special?
or is it they just hate you.

and all this kind of quotes
would be all over the place.
facebook ,tumbler,twitter.
and belongs to girls
always to girls.

example , me!

and my sister said,
the only thing that makes a girl post like that
cause she do not have a life,
or she is so low esteem that she needs this kind of quote
to make her feel better.

but its not wrong to do all this thing.
but one thing,
it make u feel better,
but will it make your life better?

complicated huh?

well this is girls.

&
i want to learn to be a brave girl,
to step up when there is something.
and not hide behind my computer.
typing nonsense.
and feel so good and high about it.

that is a no-no.

come on,
be brave,
and speak up what is in our mind
to our enemies,
maybe that way.
our life would be much better
than being a hypocrite.

and all this ,
thanks to my kak insyirah.
i record what she said.
and type it her.

time to think
and wake up
from the fairytale
i have been living in.

hello LIFE.

2010-05-12T13:26:00.003+08:00

i got a damn good stuff here.
i likee.

you swear u know me.
becos u heard my name
but if u really met me
u know the game
drama never ends,
and hater are all the same
they smile to your face,
and spit on your name.

trueee!
i got alot of enemies
who smiled at me.
boo.
im feeling bitchy here.
thanks KAMU

and another thing.
they will always say
u talk about me cos u're jealous.
u just dont have wat i have.
boo boo boo.
talking all that to make u feel better?
whats the use.
i wonder why?
since u want to start the game.
me . i likeeee. im freeeee!

im the pathetic girl.
so sad.
so pathetic.
cassie nk comment. hehe

2010-05-12T11:54:00.004+08:00

when was the last time i updated?
no idea.
a lot of things has been going on.
and i cant hardly remember.
stupid-doo.

the most happiest thing is that.
i found a job.
weee~~~
bye macdonalds kring2 .

second is,
i finally get to watch
the back up plan!!
i love2 the movie.
wee.
nk pregnant boleh.?
hee.

and i went to jurong yesterday!!
with iqin n yaya
to get my cert.
and proceed to iqin aunt house.
home-ed.

now i will be sitting at home.
working on saturday.
new work on 24 th may.
lucky after my dearest ita come home.
=))

you are just there when u are alone,
afraid, scared, and has no one to hold on to, to talk to.
but in a blink of an eye,
u're just fading from my life,
then i realise .
u already arent lonely.

i read this phrase when i was browsing
some poems.
nice,
im afraid that one day,
i will be alone too.
=((

my boo,
has been spending alot of
ka-chings on me,
i had my fun with him.
i miss my booo,
but my booooo is always werking,
tired.
im so gonna kill the watever shit he is trying to get.
~~ EVILLLLLLL~~
booo,
boo.
boooo..
my boo is the best boo boo.

i think that all.
i want moreee frens session please..

ta```daaa

2010-05-03T11:41:00.003+08:00

Close your eyes
Give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?
Am I only dreaming
or is this burning, an eternal flame?

I believe
It's meant to be, darling
I watch you when you are sleeping
You belong with me
Do you feel the same?
Am I only dreaming
Or is this burning, an eternal flame?

Say my name, sun shines through the rain
a whole life so lonely
Then come and ease the pain

I don't wanna lose this feeling, oooh

~~~~~~~~~

i want to play this song
on my wedding day.
so sweet.

boyfriend bring me to changi,
and brought me to cafe beside the beach.
i had the best moments there.
all the romantic songs being played.
i surely love it very much.
im glad that everything is over.
am i right baby?

im so feeling in love .
oh my god.

i feel like crying again.

i promise azmeel to post
about our shopping day.
we had our fun,
but i still cannot forget how he commented
on other girl skirt,instead of mine.
urrr.
=))))

boyfriend,
thank you.
and ya.
we have alot of months and years to go,
so lets stay strong.
=))))

i need a new work,
im not kidding,
im serious.

good afternoon,
i hope there will no drama this afternoon.
cause im going to work.
ta~~da..

2010-05-02T00:10:00.001+08:00

why boyfren must do this to me?
he ask me to stay out of this,
i did.
i did.
i ignore whatever that is happening.
cause i love him,
and i dont want anything to be ruin.
but how can he do that..
she is my beshfren no matter what happen.
i love her
i love him.
but why?
why boyfren?

u dissapoint me .
alot.
alot.

2010-04-28T19:03:00.004+08:00

there is two types of hypocrites.
the coward and the brave.
the coward would go,
im not referring to you and blah blah blah,
and the brave one would go ,
yes i am talking about u bitch.

and now im going to go,
yes im talking about all humans in this world.
so which hypocrite are u?
and dont say u are not.
if u are not,
i bet your life is boring.
duuuuh.

one thing that i hate is,
being all holy god ass angel in front of everybody,
boo ya.
oh puh ~~lease.

my mum says i have a sickness.
cause i m behaving weird this few days,
adding up to 5 mins of laughter
and next stop i will go all angry and pissed.
maybe i should go for check up.

aniting else,
yarh i still havent found a new job,
and i need one badly now.
i need cashy cashy.
even though i have a job now.
neehh, i dont like it

i will be busy this weekend.
and i hate it.
i hate to be in a crowd.
super shit punya.

i wonder why girls nowadays
love to have a silent fight.
boringgggg seyy.
i love girls in the olden days.
heeee

and my booooooo,
is busy working working working,
wen he is not,
im working.
and booo,
i miss u.
and i know im behaving like one typical
girl who are really in love,
like puki wakkk gitu.
ok
da.
byeeee!

2010-04-25T15:15:00.001+08:00

lastly.
fuck you

2010-04-25T12:19:00.004+08:00

it sad knowing that people who
you actually expected to be with you.
are NOT with you.
but sadly,
this is when u know the truth.
whether
they just there when u happy,
or NOT
boo~~
this is random.

i have a lot of conversation
with cassie and makayla.
about friendship , loves and future.
and they make sense.
they cut me deep inside.

u know this kind of
sentence which cassie told me that.
friends do come and go,
you just need to be prepared.

makayla said that,
true friends criticize you,
they dont speak lie,
but they tell you what is in their heart.

love is blind is a bad phrase,
but its not,
its not when it come to family.

that no matter what family
is the first thing that u should
treasure.

that friends is not about
how often we meet, slack or be together,
but just a simple text asking
how we are doing,
its enough to tell that we are friends.
that care.
not just simply there when u having fun.

and those true meaning,
does hurt somehow.
to find out the truth,
nothing but the truth.

like obviously,
i just type out what i have in my head.
so sorry if it is mess up.

im glad that i have someone,
who would go texting me saying about jobs,
asking me to go interview.
thanks,
im really glad that u all exist in my life.
at least i have motivation.

and even though,
i have been going through a lot of interview.
i will not give up.
cause this is life.
u need to work hard to get the best.

&
why is it easy for someone else,
to play with love,
to even say they understand love,
to say they are hurt,
but they just go around playing with love.
why?

i have enough.
i think i need gossip girls.
ta~~~Da

2010-04-20T13:12:00.002+08:00

when i already decided to make a huge turn in my life.
to find a job,
having my own resume ,cover letter.
going for interviews.
sending emails of my resume.
i got a call from polytechnic.
and that night .
i have to make a huge u turn in my life.
to prepare for studies.
and when i received ,
it stated. culinary.
what? cooking?
nothing to do with accounting
and it does not match my interest.
should i force myself into it.
or should i just take a break
and go for next year.
yah, i decide to give poly a skip.
and that i need to make A HUGE turn again in my life.
in just this one month.
i make 3 turns.
dont u know how much it affect me?
how much i suffer to adapt to everything.
its not easy.

furthermore having a brother who just wont understand.
he thought i was playing around
or yeah if i did , i dont bother to appeal.
but culinary, sorry its not my tea.
or ya maybe i was being choosy.
but whose life is it.
mine or yours?
i dont know what god have for me next year.
but for goodness sake,
i hope.
im hoping.
and those phrases.
" u are lying to yrself"
"its not gonna happen"
" if this year i cant why next year i can"
" u think u are a princess"
" u think u can get what u want"
all this hurts.
im not lying.
it hurts deeply inside.
my own brother wont motivate me.
how sad is that.
as im writing this ,
im crying again n again .
and i just wont stop.

and you know why.
cos my love one arent there.
my mother goes all okey with my brother .

and my boyfriend.
i dont know where he is.
i dont have a clue.
does he know it.
or he just care about the past.
i dont know.

im so demoralise.
im totally in pain.
everything ache.
too pain.
very painful.

please SAVE me.
no..
let me be here.
its okay.
let me have this moment.
this crying moment.

and yeah,
again,
the person u need the most.
will not be there.

----------------------------------------------------------------

2010-04-16T12:23:00.004+08:00

oh shit.
so bored.!
well2, today im meeting
cass and ita.
to meet ita for the last time
before she is off to PERTH!
omg !! i bet i will miss her aloott!!!
please2 come back.
and do not ever stay there.
pls!!!
=DDD

oh no.
im going to miss ita.
=((

weee,
so anyone who is free call me!!
as usual.
=DDDDD.

and pls dont be pathetic
cause i aint joining the game this time
sorry.
back off.

oh ya i need to change my schedule!!
and remember to check email!

BYEEEEEEEEEE!
i cant wait!

psst.
what happen if people forget about yr good deeds,
and keep on remembering yr bad deeds.
when u actually sacrifice alot in terms of time and money.
and just one mistake.
ruin everything.
i wonder what will happen.

2010-04-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

i feel like crying.
if i check my email.
everything would be okie now.
i hate myself.
i should have check my email.
kika bodoh

2010-04-09T13:59:00.006+08:00

lol to the picture.

i just want to say
sorry to boyfriend.
and thanks for wanting to meet me
at 12.00 midnight.
and thats y i always love you.
hee~~~

oops!
b4 tat thx asmeralda
& cassie.
for accompany-ing me.

and i overslept.
duhh . .
sorry asmeralda.

i cant wait to meet cass.
if anyone wants to join
call me. wee~~~

at least i dont cancel my own words
=))))

kika nk tgk cite ju on.
please2..
teman . .
kika in love again.
hugs n kisses.
nk tau masak crispy noodle ar!
*winks*

2010-04-08T15:02:00.001+08:00

im bored.
i need entertainment.
please

2010-04-08T13:23:00.002+08:00

&
for the first time i feel calm.
i love this feeling.
furthermore after sorting out what i should do.
=))

let me explain some activities.

went sentosa with buah hati
just to walk around.
decide to try every ride in sentosa.
but hmm
lets wait .

i went out the bbygurls
to sheesha.
and off to eat ALOT of prata.
currryyy

went to beach recently with
buah hati again.
bang bang bang.

and lepak -ed
with iqin mal meel.
which then i accompany mal.
instead of mal accompany me, which is actually the real situation.
nevermind2.

and i am supposed
to tell cassie
a story , but it has been postponed for 3 days.

woooooooooooooo,
and ya adding up to
workin only for yest.
im so lazy to work
mamama-mia.

i mean who cares.
my life mahhh..

oh ya thanks to lan for explaining
the poly procedures for me.

ok i think thats all..
hmm..

oh ya ,
buah hati wants me to go out with him
instead of working.
oooo000oo so tempting.

and i be meeting cass tomorow.
job HUNT2.

sometimes people just behave differently.
infront of other people.
so im just tinkin
is that really u?
or u just acting it..
nehhhhh.
random ouh.

BYE!
BYE!
BYE!

psst. kika nk laptop.
boleh tk .?
belikan please.

2010-04-06T13:17:00.001+08:00

it has been a while since i said.
i miss him

2010-04-05T15:14:00.004+08:00

update sheesha later.

house in a mess.
papa decide to change the front door.
and the toilet doors.
our house is full of unwanted dust.

im being thankful with what i have.
i love the way i am now.
i have friends who think of me as a friend.
i have a boyfriend who loves me.
i have a family who support me , not financially
but morally.
i have a higher nitec cert, which of course
a lil level higher than my olevel.
and of course im thankful.

im not going to be demoralise.
or hate myself.
because i have work hard during my ite life.
and if this is the result.
then regret wont be an answer .
maybe to some people i sound pathetic
to be happy with this ending .

but somehow i have the feeling
that maybe i would not succeed in terms of cash.
but as long as im happy .
thats important.
and i never say that cash wont make people happy.
it does.
and i agree.
but alot of it may sometimes be a little bit harmful.
and i repeat.
i say sometimes.

lets jus wait what the future holds.
and please do not say i dont have plans,
or any back up plans.
i have tons of it.
but i just pray that at least
i can succeed in one of it.

end of that story.
and as usual i have alot to say.

i hate cowards.
and most of all i hate betrayers.
i have known alot of this kind of people.
and omg,
maybe im one too.
definitely im one

when u are at the summit of a mountain
dont think too highly of yourself.
and dont go around judging other people.
thinking you are so perfect and flawless.
at the end of the day.
we are the same.
human
with all the 5 senses.
the only thing that differentiate us is.
the colour of our skin,
our hair,
and the size of our body..
thinking it back.

u may be good at one thing,
but sux at the other.
no one is perfect for sure . .

what an interesting character,
humans,
as usual.
me n u?
we are no different.
we die one day.
ending up in a grave.

haha,
funny.

2010-04-01T16:08:00.003+08:00

omg.
im stepping into adult world?
im an adult
who needs to work.
to get money.
that is my life now...

why does it feel so strange.

2010-04-01T13:22:00.005+08:00

just one topic .

why is it so difficult now to have a friends gathering?
when actually we already plan weeks earlier.
and everybody agrees.
so this is how we appreciate each other.
then i need to say.
its a sad thing.

sorry if this hurts.
but this is what i felt.

it is very sad .
what a sad relationship.

2010-03-31T10:10:00.002+08:00

so sad.
i accumulated gpa of 3.4
only.
i used to get 3.5 leeeeee.

how saddening is that.
haish.
looks like poly is like no-no already.

=((
fuck .
this feels so olevel.

2010-03-29T15:46:00.003+08:00

went out to karaoke with qeen & ita.

and also went out
the next day.

with dhyl and alif .
to watch boyfriend perform

which after that i went to proceed
to botanic garden with boyfriend.

and off to work the next day.

and spent the sunday with
my brother.

today .
waiting for boyfriend
arrival.

currently waiting for result.
and it scares me like hell..

maybe what im going to write here.
is going to hurt someone .
but i guess i just need to say it.
maybe i dont really blog hop.
but i visit this person blog.
and he did a video .
a special one indeed.
im very proud of him.
i wish that someone would do that for me too.
haha.
no offense boyfriend.

a need to sacrifice something
to be with someone.
to be a thick skin to your enemies
in order to be with that someone.
is that true love?

sorry.
im a lil bit mess up today.

haish..

you are the only exception
and i believe.
that you are really the only exception.

=))

2010-03-23T23:55:00.003+08:00

faris is going to maki me soon.
because today i have make him angry.
like a few times. no! alot.
=))
but thanks to my face,
thanks to my facebook.
he found his ipod touch that he misplace
in school.
and because of my TONS of picture inside.
that person found me and wanted to return it back.
=DD

okie enuf about him.
like DUH!
enuf.
hahahahah.

lets talk about yest.
went to meet my baby
qeen and lid.
but i had to walk earlier .
because i got to attend to something.
so .
yeahh.
after that i we proceed to meet the guys.
and im sorry
to cassie ,
that i had to cancel on her.
because of the issue i had to attend.
=DD.
sorry awak.

random thoughts.
would u take a photo of u naked with your boy?
would u take a photo of u kissing your guy lips,
like passionately.
or do u think tis act is inappropriate?
or will u like post it on your blogs.
and show people how lovely u are.
but in the end .
if your relationship does not work out.
do u think it will cause u your dignity?
i wonder...

im broke
and i dont have the money
even for my transport to work.
see how broke i am?
haish.
ka-chings. ka-chings.
come to kika.

=))
and when people are jealous.
they will talk about us.
so dont worry that much.
hee~~~

okie..
RED LIGHT.
stop.
byeee!

2010-03-22T12:39:00.006+08:00

FIRST OF ALL.
i would like to share this
stupid guy which i chat with
earlier on

Angel & Devil- says:
y bother having an msn when u don chat with people? not just today, everytime i prompt u, u never reply. either ur busy or ur stuck up. u tink ur hot, having alot of contacts in mns, guys prompting to chat all the time, making u feel good abt urself. if that the case, moz probably, den tell me, i dont wana be apart of that.

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
oh my god.. im sorry? but im attached. and im just limiting my social thingy k?

-Angel & Devil- says:
being att doesnt mean u need to ignore people..
if ur married, i understand.
theres a few gerl are like stuck up in my list/ im clearing them off..
and u mean from last time ur att till now?

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
i was att a few months ago. and if u think of deleting, by all means okie? and u know why i do ignore guys. cause they are full of stupid intention. and when i chat with them . at the end of they day . they go . can i have your no.? so please. its not my fault. and im sorry if im arrogant or what okie?
girls have their own reason no to chat with some guys who sumtymes sounds so desperate.
*the
*not

-Angel & Devil- says:
u cant judge all guys the same

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
and y cant i ? do i even know u?

-Angel & Devil- says:
like that i can also judge gerls.. they are very unloyal.. flirt wif guys.
love wen guys adore dem'

-Angel & Devil- says:
thats y i say u cant judge all guys the same
judging is wrong.

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
i did not judge you. but u're attack me so im angry

-Angel & Devil- says:
ok thank you.

.
-Angel & Devil- says:
im not attackinjg.
i think one year i said hello n all u never ever reply.

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
nevermind. when u have a gf. u would understand the feeling of her chatting around with guys okie?

-Angel & Devil- says:
fed up

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
and if you knew she would not reply. why bother?
=)
i also used to have this problem. but all i did was ignore them .

-Angel & Devil- says:
cause i knw u frm friendster. ikhlas to get to know u..

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
and excuse me? u did not attack me . u just attack me " u tink ur hot,"

-Angel & Devil- says:
when i ask to get to know u, im sincere.

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
thats the thing. but i have someone who i love. and i dont bother knowing other guys animore.?
is that a crime? for being a good gf..
not flirting her ass around?

-Angel & Devil- says:
tts good!

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
u just said that girls are unloyal?
so i being loyal?
and i think u dont have the reasons to question me now?

-Angel & Devil- says:
yeah but msn friends can wad,,

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
msn = friends? guys from all this social networking? i dont believe.
im sorry.
if i knew u much more earlier.
then i would be okie to be yr fren.

-Angel & Devil- says:
well u din gave me that chance

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
im sorry to behave so arrogantly.
fyi. i remember u? i used to SMS with u ?
okie?
-Angel & Devil- says: har?

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
u dun har..

-Angel & Devil- says:
u use 2 sms me?

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
maybe because i used to have black hair and diff nickname . thats y.

-Angel & Devil- says:
we use 2 sms?

* Alethea La'Dolce Kika * says:
yarr. u have a photo of yourself to make me re-cnfrm?

& he just realised that i use to sms him?
wtffff??
so funny la this msn boys nowadaes.
they go attacking us .

so far i have enuf of msn boys.
who go desperately saying hi hello or whatever shit.
even afta telling them that im attached.
they still want to have my no.?
weird?
and then they will go saying
gals are unfaithful and stuff?

so now.
i've learn my lesson.
i only use my msn to chat with my
aletheas , and some frens.

so whatever guys ?
u sux?
and u are a jerk?

see this typical minah rep mat rep pose!
haha

Went to p.ris park with boyfren.
eat,pitch a tent. guitar .talk
and off that guy went to sleep.
so i cam whore on my own.
=DD

below pictures are from
thursday night.
went to work with lid.
afta having our lunch
we cam-whore
and after werk
proceed to meet our guys.
azmeel send me home
thankk youu abg azmeel
hee~~
reach at 2 . and off to sleep.

=)))

i think ive done my job.

i miss alethea .

and dady!
i will not forgive u tis time round
for real!

2010-03-20T22:33:00.003+08:00

and now i am questioning myself.
for what im being good to others,
if im being repaid like this?
maybe human nowadays just do not have this
guilty feeling inside them anymore.
but who am i to talk about all these things.
i am one of them.
somehow i also love to misjudge people.
i also talk about people mistake.
and that i admit.
but if those people are those who u care for
those who u love alot .
treat u like this. .
the only thing i can do is.
keep the grudges deep in my heart.
buried it below.
cause as always , i practice my sentence.
no one is perfect.

and enuf of blabbering about stuff.
sabrina came over my house cause i was afraid.
she slept over ,
and before that the gals came over my house .
it was like in secondary days,
where the girls would take turn to use my comp
to go into their fb and tagged.
sabrina and i had a heart to heart talk .
the last time i had a talk with her.
she was just a listening ear.
but now she has grow and mature.
and yest i really felt that i was talking to a friend.
i miss her.
how i wish she was my lil sis,
yeah apart from her long hours in bath and her make-up.
but whatever. i miss her now.

which then i proceed to meet my
addictive cute funny happening boyfren.
to watch " when in rome"
it was a nice movie.
and yeah bf thinks it has a message.
=)
popcorns ,you , movie.
i love it.
oh yeah, minus the part where
i need to go bathroom and u need to tag along.
=D

which then lead to a heart to heart talk...

i miss my ite mates .
i miss going school ready.
oh mama -mia .
im so not ready to work..

&
whatever that is happening
in my family and house.
i just dont want to comment it here.

and ..

guess.
i dont have aniting else to talk about.
=((

oh ya ,
i wonder where is my cassie . .
dang2.
she joined the kakak2 19 geng already.
=)))
and i was not the first one to wish her.
=((
i miss youu..

something just pop in my mind.
i feel like
i want to get married.
and be the bride.
in a grand wedding.
oh pleaseee.....

=)
da . ..

2010-03-18T12:18:00.003+08:00

bella

anak linda second!!! cute kannn

above are bella video.
she is so cuteee.
i want a baby just like her.
=)))

met bf yest.
been with family for this past few days.!

for the first time today.
i WANT to go to werk.
the reason?
going to have lunch with makayla
before proceeding to werk.
im so gonaa bring my camera.
so lets wait for the photos!

MWAH!
im soo happyy!!

whatever i do if it does not concern you.
then you dont need to bother.
cause its my life

2010-03-16T23:44:00.002+08:00

alot to update.
alot of pics.
been at family chalet through the weekends.
just came back today afternoon.
tired.
=(

i had a lot of fun
and i can never forget bella and azim.
i show u the two cute baby from kak linda.

how i wish that.
i was not surrounded by people who knows about me.
to tell the truth
im not brave enuf to face this people.

update the pics soon

2010-03-11T23:32:00.011+08:00

life been good now.
enjoying every detail of it.
alot of family outing coming up
i miss my family . ..
alot.
i also bought myself a new camera
which makes me look
plastic.
=))
so yeahh.
lets update my diary.

NOT TO FORGET!
ITS ASMERALDA BIRTHDAY!
CHEH2. da kakak2 19 lah.
=)))
be happy always.
happy.
happy.
and i hope u will achieve what u want.
=))
be whatever it is.
im always here my little beshfren
jgn nakal2.
=DD

& my mr faris.
still together.
still in love.
he still accept me
be it without make up, little make up,
alot of make up.
havent bath.
alot of my imperfection.
=))
but we are quite busy with out own schedule
='(((
but im not cause exam is over.
but he is chasing for sumting.
so yeah!
i love you!
all the best in what u want okie?
and ya...
stick with me idiot.
=))
i want more more more of you
IMPORTANT :
FARIS CUT HIS HAIR AGAIN .
AND IT LOOK SHORT AND BOYISH!
LOVE2!!!

finally fishimarush chalet !
the day we waited and waited . .
went through all the exams . .
and yap!
not forgetting.
im officially OUT from ite.
=))))

it was a fun night.
some scary moments about the channels.
alot of eating . .
and ya. alot of fun together.
and ive yet to have my beauty sleep.

see how happy i am.
frens, love ,family.
who needs more than that.
i dont.
nites .

2010-03-04T02:38:00.002+08:00

bf make me sad.
bf promise to talk to me otp until early morning.
bf promise to accompany till i sleep.
bf promise to not let other people accompany me.
now my frens are the one accompanying me.
i cannot slip
blame it on bf who make promises.
and never kept it.
i dont love bf .
i dont love bf.
im angry with him
dont search for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* note
i dont really dont love bf though
its jus a sentence to express my anger.

2010-03-02T13:18:00.002+08:00

and we have less than a week for our final exam.
and im still here blogging.
. .

nevermind i just need to list down some events.
that make me happy.
=))

first
me n cassie
did not end up eating at teh tarik.
but end up eating at macdonald.
legend..
always macdonald . .
maybe we need to force ourself
to sit at teh tarik one day.

ending up with lepaking
with everyone that is there on that day.
played "kutok"
laughed all the way as usual.

and yest i went
to catch a movie.
my name is khan. .
its a really nice movie.
u should watch.
it makes my heart moveeeeeeeeeee.

but despite all the fun i had.
i had completed a few sets of revision paper.
but yeah . need to start on audit.
=)))

i have officially known my boyfren for
6 months.
and in love with him for 4 months.
but officially together for 2 months.
it seems that the time past very quickly.

oh ya.
and i have know my ite girls for 2 years.

and my secondary girls for like.
6 years like that.

not mentioning my primary sch gals.

wow..

&
wat u got boy is hard to find.
i think about it everytime
im all strung out , my heart is fried,
i jus cant get u out of my mind.
your love is my drug..

loves,
need to be ready and all fresh for work.

2010-02-27T23:57:00.003+08:00

=)))
i've revised 3 chaps .
and i feel good.
WHAT!
hahah..

tomorrow would be a few chaps more.
and out to study with the girls.
no wait i mean.
asmeralda and cassie.

before that.
lets just say.
im having lunch with them at mr teh tarik.

i find it really sweet to get a msg saying.
" ka, lunch tomorow?"

or .

"ka, breakfast ?"

ya2 . maybe its nothing for the rest of the girls.
but it is for me.

i miss my kakak like alot .
she treat me with waffle, buble and french fries .
and she is soo kiut when she ask me out to eat.

" nura, lets go out for a bite" -kak
"huh" - me
" my treat dear, come grab yr purse and get a bite" -kak.

WOW! hahah.
i feel so ADULT. hahaha
k lame2.

too many studies can hurt your brain.
=))
but ive not studied alot.
strange.

yap2.
just to update.
right after my exams .
i will be having chalet with my ite girls.
woo. crazyy nite.
i cant hardly wait to see each of them sleep.
hahahahah!

and my boyfriend n me.
went out for dinner yest.
weee~~~

n boyfriend goes
" when was the last time we had dinner ,real dinner together"
and i went.
" this is our FIRST REAL dinner"
and when i was at home .
i was so SHOCK!
heee..
ya we usually do take-outs.
so yeah.
=))

yup2 yup2.
n boyfriend confess that
he think the same about that person existence.
u should tell me earlier .=)

i love my friends.
i love my boifren.
wee.

nite2.

psst : need to remember boifren bday from now on.

2010-02-26T13:30:00.007+08:00

EDITED

this is so frustating.
very okey.
other places.
other high class job.
can get 2 weeks or 3 weeks of break
to study.
but my job wont let me.
like wtfff??

and watever k.
so frustated.
and whatever shit u want to say.
fuck it.
im fucking irritated .
with every moron in this world.

fuck

ya and one thing.
u sound childish.
and im just telling you
cause im afraid people might laugh at your act.
and
singapore allow the citizens to be anywhre they want.
regardless u are there b4 or ape2
so u do not need to talk.
cause im overrrr the childish thing .
okie?
so this is my last time talking okie?
stop the childish
we are going to be olddd...

byeeeee..

2010-02-25T14:57:00.002+08:00

this is so frustating.
i really need to study.
not werking starting from next week.
i guess i will have plenty of time.
wu hu

just that i really hope they will
give me that break.
i really need it. . .

2010-02-22T13:27:00.003+08:00

okie2 lets see.
yesterday i was SUPPOSED to study.
but ending up lepak-ing .
as usuals with the kaki gereks.
we were so freak out.
till me, mouriete , cass.
try to avoid every place that has
chinese offering going on.
woo.
and went back home.
quickly call up mr faris to accompany me.
omg.
its the first time i freak myself out.

decided to dump school today.
because.
im plain lazy and i want to sleep!
done.

was supposed to revise audit today.
ending up understanding the chaps.
but never remember the keywords.
dump. .

im just lazyy . u knoww.

and today plan is to
study with makayla and mr faris.
at . .
study , maybe i can at least do real studies later.
pleaseeee.
so girls, if u reading this ,
contact me lorr, study together.
=DDD. .. .

what is life without studies?
CORRECT?
and oh holy shit . .
for me to obtain 3.5 as my accumulated gpa .
is a real proud thing k.
u think it is easy to obtain MORE than that.
then try it.
and prove to me.
and if u prove to me that u can get beta.
i give u a clap.
if not.
BUTO SAMA LU!

byeee!
sori for the unnecessary phrase..
love
cheers!

2010-02-20T22:42:00.003+08:00

good friends are always there for you.
i love you all.
cassie2 . . ko cute la sey kat tagboard.
hehe.
sayang ko!
nanti kite karaoke betul2 k.
taknak karaoke kat TOILET CUBICLE agy.
=DD

and faris!
u owe me a SLEEP!
& thanks for forgiving me.
=DD . .
it was really a misunderstandin.
=))

GIRLS.
lepak la pleeeaseee.

and2
one thing , releks.
why shud be jealous ,
when i talk to your friend.
that person is my friend also mah.
releks la ?
k?

im sleepyyy..

ZZZzzzzzzz...

2010-02-20T02:49:00.002+08:00

i just want to say.
i cannot afford to lose you.
and i do love you.
one thing that im afraid.
that it will be over.

im sorry for what i have done.
im sorry.

and ya to all people who read my blog.
i have just done the biggest sin to my boyfriend.
poor him..
im not going to side myself.
cos i dont think i should.
so ya.
im a bitch okey readers.
im a bitch to my boifren.
punish me..

lastly,
i cannot sleep.
and i still need to work tomorrow morning .
till 6. .
so please eyes.
i need to sleep.
sleep
sleeep.

i had a great time with gfs just now.
love u all

2010-02-13T18:33:00.002+08:00

sometimes u just started to think craps.
and at that point of time u feel that
the crap is the answer.
but after a long thinking and a long walk.
u will realise to appreciate what u have now.

i had my fun yest ,
i promised myself to start working on my studies.
after the fun thing yest.
so pleasee start studying.

kika decided to skip work today.
tomorow and monday.
ouhh... she is soo lazyyyy...

i dont knw what to say...
as usual.. . .
i will feel like crying after having
a fun day with mr faris.
cause i just dont want that day to end . .

='(((

2010-02-10T11:51:00.001+08:00

im sick.
im restless.
&
i have not started on my revision.

and im lazy to work on chi new year.

2010-02-05T13:31:00.005+08:00

see how disgusting malay girls could be now.
no wonder people always look down on us.
its okey if u wanna do stuff like this
-- privately --
but to take video of yourself?
dont u just feel the SHAME?
but whatever it is.
i think only a handful of malay girls are like that.
come on, no matter how rude,alcoholic, how wild,
just please do not take a sex video.

im happy that my thinking so far has been right.
life can move on,
no matter how hard it is .
u just need to go forward.
i have a lot of example already . .

i have been seeing,
people breaking up.
people patching up.
people break and hate each other.
people break but stil frens.
alot of situation in relationship.

but when will i see.
couple who loves each other for real,
just so perfect.
and eventually they grow with each other.
and end up marrying.
perfect love , i supposed.

but does that kind of love exist.
i wonder. . .

maybe . . .
the perfect word exist for a reason.
i dont know?
how bout you?
have u seen that for real.
(EXCLUDING OUR PARENTS PLS)

im waiting.. ..

and to those who comment.
thanks,
i think about it . . .

ouh i forgot to mention.
im still in love.
and its still feel fresh.
=)))

2010-02-02T13:34:00.006+08:00

im officially stress

i have to go to school,
i have to go to work,
i have to go with my frens,
i have to be with my boyfriend.
i need to do revision,
i need my rest.
and i am lacking of beauty sleep.
FOR REAL!

take this,
everyday go to school . study.
and if im werking. i will rest one hour and out to work.
and if not, either i will meet faris or with the girls.
and then ,
i realise ! i have not been starting on my revision.
and when i try to put in my revision!
i have no time???
mon - boyfren.
tues-werk.
wed- went back at 5pm frm skul. LETHARGIC.!
thurs- werk!
fri -frens!
sat -werk!
sun- WOOOO IT HAS BEEN A LONG WEEK SUCKAS

seeeeee??
and i have 1 month to go before my FINALS!

DID I JUST MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE?

and for sure,
stop controlling me.
stop being busybody!
this is my life.
my own arrangement of time.
i have my life.
and i need my frens.
i need my boy.
so WHAT THE FUCK!
IF I HAVE ALOT OF MONEY.
WITH NO BOYFRIEND!
AND FRENS WHO LOVE ME!
I NEED LOVE MORE THAN MONEY.
SO PLEASE!

and to you people who goes...
why need to meet bf? why seyy!!,
get yourself a boyfren and u know
how difficult it is to juggle ,
work, frens, skul ,revision
+ werk!.
cause . . .
the feeling of missing him.
is SO HARD TO RESIST!

and i know i sound childish!
but oh god!
i wish i didnt.
but yeahh!
im feeeeling ittttttt!

2010-02-01T01:10:00.003+08:00

warning: long post!

first there is a lot of thing to be said.
i admit when i started to b with you.
none catch my attention.
none has make me want them.

maybe when i am knowing you,
in process of being with you.
i was in love with someone else.
but dont u know tat at that point.
i was confused with "love"
what is "love"
and i thought it was love . i thought.

but when i get to know you,
i like you. i like you.
but how can i like you?
we were just chatting .
i cant admit that i like you.
every single day i be waiting for you to be online.
but i was confused myself. why?
why do i wait?
and when my fren go . u have sumtin for him?
i went. noo. WHAT? HIM? NO !
i was denying my own feeling.
and it felt sux.
cause i dont want to be .
treated like fuck again.

but as time goes by,
u began to show me the real you.
which i have not seen in other guys.
but again,
i kept denying that i like you.
cause im afraid. or
im just not sure.
isit like " like like " you
or isit. I LIKE YOU?

then when we began to talk,
sms,
meet.
i realise . i did not LIKE YOU?
I LOVE YOU?
and it has only been weeks.
i repeat to myself this is crap.
and again i kept denying.

but look?
i love you now?
i love you!

so .
why does it matter?
how i like you?
oh god! im not sure.
when? im not sure when?
seriously!!!!!!!!
its miracle!

this is miracle.
in a wink of an eye.
i just knew it was you.

and look!
i dont even want other guys now.
i dont even CARE about them

and u go saying
about trust!
like i really betrayed u..
did i?

did i betray u?
by liking you and wen i have the perfect one?
wat perfect one?
if he was perfect.
then wat am i doing here with u?

i have my own confusing years about love.
and u shud have known.
u hate my past! oh yea!
i hate yours too
so what?

we told ourselves
its us.
so?
why u furious now?

i shud be furious ,
when u say about trust at fb,
and all people wud know!
its me!!!
we have folders remember???
we have pictures remember?
so what?
people wud think im disgusting.

and what did i do to lost your trust?
im not been seeing other guys!
i spent like 24 hours with you?

oh ya!
people do confess to me?
and if im tat shit.
i have went to them.
but did i?

im still here!!!

SO TAKE THIS!

u are the one.
i have learn not to say u're perfect!
cos no one is perfect!
but guess what?
i accept your imperfection.
i love you..

SO PLEASE STOP PUNISHING
KIKAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-30T16:26:00.001+08:00

was about to update something good.
yeah,
however god show me something...

why isit so difficult ? ?
i felt . .
im nothing . .
all this while

2010-01-27T23:23:00.002+08:00

everytime i see the last pic.
it just remember me
how ehem we are.!
hahaa.

i miss old times.

=((

i miss the old face

psst.!
i trim my hair.
and yeah,
it look too short already!
now i cannot perm hair already.
aiiiyaaaaa

2010-01-22T12:18:00.003+08:00

see those two hot babes of mine.
the other two aletheas.
oh ya. main intention is.
see the 2nd pic. her name is cassie.
she is one of my alethea sisters.
and i would like to apologise.
that i did not put her pic at my background.
as it has been a long time since we had gathering.
so. im so sory cassie!
i love u all equally !!!!
=DDD!

and the first pic.
me n makayla.
work with her last night.
sumpah if me, firah and her join force.
i think i will not be bored at work!
SERIUSLY!
and she extend one hour for me! wuhu!
went back together with mr faris.
and2! i want to thank makayla sister for belanja-ing me.
thank uuu!!!!
went lepak -ing.
talk shits!
and home!
=DDD

and i want to lepak with cassie!
='(((

today!
outs with mr faris,
followed by meeting my other 2 aletheas!
asmeralda and mouriette!

so seeee???
im enjoying every min of life!
BECAUSE!
im bored of thinking about negativity in life!
cos im tired.
so i give it a rest for like
2 weeks or wat?

oh ya!
BIG REMINDER!
I CAN ONLY AFFORD TO NO SHOW FOR ONCE THIS MONTH!
NOW TILL -14 FEB!
DUE TO!
CAMERA !
=DDDD!

okie remind me hot babes!

mwahh!

2010-01-21T14:47:00.004+08:00

just forget to update this information.
went CQ with them on sat.
we have a great time .
=D . .

as i am updating ,
my mind just could not stop thinking.
that im werkin lata...
=((
soo borinng,
i want to sleeeeeeeeepppppp.

just one thing for today,
everything happens for a reason.
so u just need to accept the fact.

and u just need to be strong.
and carry one this full of shits life.

so toodles.
i need to REST!

countdown .
6 hours to . .
u know i know .
=D

psssst,
im eating alot.
and i think i have gain A BIG ENORMOUS TUMMY!

2010-01-19T00:19:00.002+08:00

WHY DOES THE WORD
"SORRY"
EXIST????

IT WILL JUST MAKE PEOPLE
REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKE.

AND THEY SAY
"SORRY"
AGAIN.

I HATE THE WORD SORRY.
AND MAYBE IT JUST WONT MEAN
NOTHING ANYMORE TO ME.

CAUSE IF U'RE SORRY,
AND IF U REGRET OF WHAT U DID.
ALL U NEED TO DO IS...
CHANGE FOR THE BETTER,

OR MAYBE.
ITS NOT THE WORD SORRY.

BUT ITS WHETHER
U MEAN IT OR NOT.

SORRY IS A BIG WORD.

AND SO IS.

I LOVE YOU..

AND YEAH,
I HAVE GAIN THE COURAGE TO SAY THIS
BIG PHRASE.

I LOVE YOU . . .

PLEASE APPRECIATE ME

2010-01-17T22:05:00.001+08:00

ouh. blog sumtin wrng.
ajghasghafagfhaghfaglagahgja

2010-01-17T21:46:00.005+08:00

lets start this . .

why do i feel like sumtin is botherin me,
but actuali its nothing.

why do i feel like i do not have enuf time,
but actuali i have a lil time.

why do i feel like im not happy,
but actuali i am.

why do i feel like i am missing someting,
but im not.

why do i feel that im confused,
when i think im not really confused?

why do i feel like i dont want to wake up tomorow,
but im looking forward for it?

why do i feel like i hate today,
but actuali i love some part of it.

why do i feel so unappreciated ,
when actuali someone is loving me like hell.

why do i feel like its the end of me,
but actuali its only the beginning of life.

and why do i feel like this,
when actuali,
its not like this?

and ryte now im confused on what i suppose to think?

i was given a tight slap,
but it doesnt hurt,
maybe .
nothing hurts animore.
maybe being slap by someone
u been having grudge from primary skool,
means nuthin.

watever still,
its my life.
and
NUR ASHIKIN
decide to be attached to FARIS,
who make me feel secure,
who love me for who i am.
accept who am i,
in the past and now.
and have
NURUL LIDIANA,
NURUL ASHIQIN,
ROSNITAH,
NUR FADHILAH,
SITI NUR BAYA.
as my sisters, where they will sure
be there for me and guide me.
and also have.
NUR SYAFIRAH,
SITI MARIAM,
RUSYDIAH.
as a lovely friends who will
always make me laugh.
and
MUHD NASRI,
MUHD FADZLI ,
MUHD FAIZAL.
as brothers who will make me safe.
laugh , happy at home.
and not forgetting.
HALIMAH,
a mother who loves me,
and i want to treat my child
like she treated me.
thank you.
for coming into my life.
and make it wonderful
as it is now.
im glad

2010-01-16T15:21:00.003+08:00

I NEED AIR.
CANT I JUST DO WATEVER I WANT !!!!
DONT BOTHER ABOUT ME!
URH, PARENTS!
I NEED TO BE FREE!
DONT QUESTION ME ABOUT
WHY? WHY? WHY?
ISIT TAT ? ISIT THIS?
AND DONT COMPARE ?!!!!!
PLEASE!
LEAVE ME ALONE!
I HAVE MY OWN LIFE!
I DONT NEED ANYBODY TO CARE!
FUCK OFF RYTE NOW!
FUCK!

2010-01-12T21:33:00.004+08:00

life has to go on . .
no matter how bitter it is. . .

people will change eventually . .
so u just need to accept that fact. . .

you cannot expect other people to behave well,
if you are not giving a gd example . .

the past will remain as past,
u just need to say goodbye. . .

life might be confusing at a moment,
u just need to take a deep breath. .

being together with yr loved ones ,
is the best way to clear up your mind . .

nobody is a boring person ,
unless u end your life . .

there is more to life,
i just cannot wait to see it. .

money is almost everything,
but watever still, love cant be bought . .

no matter how beautiful yr love is,
bitterness awaits . .

watever happen,
family should always be the first place. .

dont love too much,
u get easily hurt
but its not a crime to get hurt . .

thats all i want to say. .
watever still,
i love my girls,
i love my boi.

HUGS & KISSES

2010-01-11T00:41:00.002+08:00

oh gosh!
im in a lot of trouble.
. .
dady pestering me to stop werking.
???????
omg remember dady?
when was the last time u bought me a jeans?
when was the last time u bring me to shopping??
excluding hari raya.
i think i dont even have one thing in my wardrobe that
belong to YOU!
im hurt okey,
i hope u understand.
i need to go on.
i need cash.
as a girl, i need it.
not only for . of cos to be presentable.
but i have alot of things tat i want to own.
so what now?
quit this, and next 2 mth looking for a job after sch? again.
no way. . .
and if u say u wud pay for my private diploma.
then i would go with the flow.
so please.
im DISSAPOINTED.

AND HELLO!
when was the last time i went out.
like really went out with my gals?
so please understand daddy.
i am having time constraint.
serious.
if i can , i want to spend time at home too.
=((

and tat bitch?
if u playing with my fren
u playing with me
OH . i canot help it!

OKEY BYE2!
OH SWEAR I SHUD NOT SEE TAT! URH

2010-01-06T23:29:00.004+08:00

things that u did not expect to happen.
will happen.
2010 is full of surprises.
i love surprises.
it makes me alive.
but it makes me weak too.

i've yet to study for my CA.
yuckies.

i cannot wait for tomorow.
again a surprise.
. . .

i think im getting more boring.
oh pls, i want entertainment.
i want to write a long post full of stories.
2010 just started
so nevermind...
i just could not wait for 2010 "stories"

the moment i say that i dont want u there,
means that i want u there the most.
the moment i say that im sad,
it means that i need your hug more than anything..
and the list continues...

woman will not get satisfied with everything a guy give.
poor guys .
pray for yr future...
but still ,
u need us ryte .
*winks*
i love you .

toodles!

2010-01-03T23:03:00.001+08:00

firstly,
30th would be the date
i will not forget .

second,
went countdown with aletheas .
=))
we have so much fun, walking, sweating
that day.
i love u girls like alot.

went shopping with lid and her sister.
=)

i just do nt know how to describe aniting.
i guess,
i have nothing to complain,
or to say.
cos im having the perfect moments in life.
like finally.

NOT!,
skul starting
time to open some books kika.
=))

and,
thanks friends and faris.
for everything.!!!!

2009-12-30T01:27:00.003+08:00

at last all the event is over.
kak sdare wedding at johor was over.
everything is over.

back to work.
and not forgetting sch startin soon
=(((

plus2 new year is coming.
it has been a long year.
i jus wish this new year.
would be a new beginning for everything.
lets jus see okey?

for new year plans.
it is all over the place.
i dont even know which is the real plan
but i wan to celebrate it with
my secondary mates.
please.

oh ya,
went to see sherlock holmes
with AZMEEL!
it was a fun movie, seriusly
"the lady insist"
hahaha.

woho o o .
i cannot wait for tmorow!
a day with my , lets not kol him mr human animore k?
we call him mr faris ?
yap, tomorow a day out with mr faris!
omg , im excited.
i mean who will not be excited to be with their someone!
RYTE?
heeeeeeee.....

"TO TELL YOU THAT I COULD GIVE U THE WHOLE WORLD IS A LIE

TO TELL YOU THAT I WOULD GIVE THE STARS FROM THE SKY IS IMPOSSIBLE

BUT ONE TRUTHFUL THING TAT I CAN GIVE YOU IS

THE ONE THING THAT I CHERISH MOST IN MY HEART AND THAT IS.

MY LOVE FOR U . . "

2009-12-24T13:05:00.005+08:00

DONT U KNOW IT FEEL SUX
WHEN U KNOW SOMEONE IS KEEPING A SECRET!!!
AND DONT U KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS!!!
AND DONT U KNOW!
I FELT SO UNIMPORTANT TO YOU!
CAUSE U JUST WONT SHARE.
!!!!
PISSSSSS!!!!

ouh i got the answer.
im not wat u wanted.
im not yr type.
but due to love,
u stay.
okey . . .
well , im not perfect.

2009-12-23T23:27:00.005+08:00

my love for u is so strong.
and oh my,
i cant describe how much i love
and yeah,
im addicted to u mr human.
thanks for always being there.
and always . always.
thanks for fetching me .
thanks for the overnites.
*kisses*

me and mr human
went karaoke and overnite.
and karaoke with ita too
the next day.

sadly,
the day i waited for months,
i cant be there.
bro engagement due to work
sux ryte. i know.
but i dont care, i will go johor on sat.
i will not miss my cousin wedding.
sorry bro.
i watch u get married.
i promise.
oh my,
im a bad sis.
due to fuckin work!
and fuckin last mth pay!!!
thx eh.

bye2!
miss my gals man!

oh ya will upload
karaoke vid with mr human
SOOOON!

2009-12-23T01:11:00.001+08:00

okie im stress.
argh.
this is so irritating.
pray for the best for me.
and go bro,
time to be "attached"
cheering for you.

2009-12-20T16:10:00.002+08:00

late nights meeting.
working till late night.
i think im becumin an owl.

yest was a wow day.
"terserempak" day.
ter-meet azmeel, cassie and lan.
ending up with
lepak session with meel , mr human.
they tease me like hell.
oh hell yoh.
have fun ryte last night?
ass.

=D.

and stop being lame.
cause tat is so lame?
can?

up next!
meeting ita!
and cooking for mr human.
ta~~da...

LOVES!

2009-12-19T13:00:00.003+08:00

this is love,
ups and down is a must.
well , im not blaming anyone for our problems.
neither do i want to back out.

and for sure,
the problem that we have now.
actually comes from me.
maybe as usual i will be at fault,
for doing those things.
for making people think the opposite side of my feelings.

seriously,
i do not know whether people involve
is reading my online diary.
but i am just terribly sorry for what that hav happened.
and i hate to be the cause of it.
so again im sorry.
maybe,
it is my fault,
maybe i was the one being too friendly.
but the main part is,
i was terribly sad when people say
im flirting but i was just being friendly.
=(

so solution,
i just need to change to become a . ..
arrogant girl.
or watever it is.
just to avoid negative gossip to come.
but always.
i will be the one who will be blame.
again and again.

when will this stop.
and this is not the first time im
having this bullshit problem.
humans oh humans.
stop it.
if i ever done any mistakes,
or sins.
i apologise to all humans.

===========================

2009-12-18T01:04:00.003+08:00

this is so sad.
i dont want to be a spoiler in
any kind of relationship.
i felt bad.
i dont want to be the bad girl
i hate to be look at tat way.
im sorry.
sorry.
maybe i jus need to change
the "frenly" in me.
haish.
look, im sorry

2009-12-17T22:34:00.005+08:00

im having the time of my life.
but when it comes to work and skul
oh i just hate it.
dush dush dush.

firstly mr human fetch me home!
first day of my werk day.
=DD!

the next day was a movie trip
with aletheas baby
at last i fulfil my promise of watching new moon with them
im so missing u bunch ALREADY.
met meel n fiq.
the usual talks and jokes.
i miss them loh!
want moreeee of them
pls2.

the following day
was a date with mr human,
spent the whole nite with him
THE WHOLE NITE.
i felt so alive, i felt so close to him.
ya . im going to separate with him for
THREE DAYS OKEY!
urh! not mentioning after that is my turn
to go JOHOR!
MEANING 7 DAYS?
nevermind , no complains.
but misses is a must baby.
take care.
and promise me another night?
love love love.

home today.
i was so freaking tired.
i repeat. TIRED.
supposed to meet mouriete and asmeralda,
ya esp asmeralda,
she is departing, oh gal! im gona miss u!
seriusly. haishh!
and congrats mouriete for getting a new job!
work hard , and we all go for shopping.
insya'allah if i get my pay.

so i was so bored,
and ya, usual, mr human decided to teman me AGAIN!
and YES , im addicted to him.
sshuusss.
we watch , skrip 7707 at his ipod.
went to tmart ,to give his fren his consent form.
and finally!
home sweet home.

i got to complain this.
i've been urinating every 5 min.
i tried to control when i was out just now.
ya i managed.
but right after i reach home it started again
oh gosh, it felt soo.. urinating.
my bladder is pain for sure.
this hurts.
and even to complete this post.
i have been going to toilet for a few times.
went to doc just a few mins ago with my bro.
as the women and man in this house.
DECIDED to M.I.A
oh gosh.

asmeralda is going away,
and so is mr human.
mouriete makayla cassandra is busy .
and me?
only busy on fri sat mon.
=(((((
PLEASE DONT.
GO.

2009-12-13T23:16:00.001+08:00

omg,
im stress,
my head is full.
i feel like bursting.
i cannot remember it properly
so confusing.
and tomorow will be the result!
omg.
help me, im in deep shit.
=((

i miss human.
i miss my frens..
=(
ouh help
help

thanks abu for today!
THANK U!
I OWE U!

!

2009-12-09T23:57:00.004+08:00

let me say this clearly,
no girl is perfect, ya i did say that.
but who say that we cant be close to perfect???
none!

lets sum up wat i did this few days.
went out with asmeralda to clarke quay!
out with lid for lunch and city plaza
lepak-ing with mouriette and asmeralda,
karaoke-ing ,
and lastly today,
out with mr human, and later on
with asmeralda and mouriete.
a trip to my house, watch movie
with those 2 cute kids.
and finally,
i did feed asmeralda with my own hand,
my own cooking.
im happy that she eat!

oops, y is asmeralda not happy?
only god knows y.
and for sure if she is feeling the pain!
im not gonna say i wil feel the pain
BUT!
im gonna say!
i kill the person who is hurting her.!
oh please god,
jus please let her lead her life.
and those other humans, just stop it okey!
MY FRIEND NEEDS TO CONTINUE!
SO DONT STOP HER FRM DOING SO!
and in this blog i will say!
whoever hurt my girl,
u get 10 times more.
i SWEAR!
whoever u are!
BTOL TK MOURIETTE!!!!!!!!
MAKAYLAA!!
CASSANDRA????

ooohhh mr humann!
i think i lost your trust on me!
im sorry okiee.
im really am.
maybe i was just being stupid!
but for sure,
i do want you.
no!
i need you.
so please ,
dun think u are useless, fuck or wat.
i know that u are thinking alot of negative thing.
maybe about me ,or this r/ship.
so . .
i dont know.
but i just hope one day u tell me wat u are thinking
and somehow we can work it out.
u know,
i mean . . we could feel better after expressing
some hidden FACTS.
oh no boy,
u are one strange guy.
but watever.
i need you.
and u're my needs.
not my wants..

and lastly!
i love my girlssss seriusly!
=DDDD!

and please!
GROW UP BASTARD!

2009-12-05T15:25:00.002+08:00

why hang up on me?
and i thought u was gonna call back.
=(

out with asmeralda,
to clarke quay.
i need air.

=(

2009-12-04T14:04:00.002+08:00

upon his request.
i updated those pictures.
omg , it has been years since i last do this
SINFUL PICTURE thing.
=DD

so yest was a date
with mr human.
yes tats mr human
yes2 i know.
yes we do look alike.
and yes i know .
SO .. pls shut the comments
WEE ~~~~

DAMN,
im waiting for makayla kol.
where are u ?
phone ring2 ring2.
do i need to sms u?
makaylaaaa promise to kol!
boo!

met cassandra for awhile just now!
owwcchhh!
lady, i miss u man!
crapshit! why are u late for werk
if not i kidnap u for a
PAS PUS PAS PUS .
=(((

asmeralda and mouriete,
pls tell me if tomorow is a yes2.
or a NO2.
wo hoo ~~~

and im still waiting for makayla kol
!1!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh shi-at!
gona send tat human to doc in a few hours!
doink!
watever u thinking!
u are making me SUFFER!
U hurting me!
Jaga ko nanti mamat!

WO HOO!
superly hyper today!
SO OUTTS!

AND YA!
i change blog skin
*WINKS*

oh bitch,
i need KA-CHINGS!
and!
yay!
i love me!
wooo!

K BYE!

AND IM STILL WAITING FOR MAKAYLA KOL!

2009-12-02T01:23:00.003+08:00

Jika ada yang bilang ku lupa kau
Jangan kau dengar
Jika ada yang bilang ku tak setia
Jangan kau dengar
Banyak cinta yang datang mendekat
Ku menolak
Semua itu karena ku cinta kau

Jika ada yang bilang ku tak baik
Jangan kau dengar
Jika ada yang bilang ku berubah
Jangan kau dengar
Banyak cinta yang datang mendekat
Ku menolak
Semua itu karena ku cinta kau

Saat kau ingat aku ku ingat kau
Saat kau rindu aku juga rasa
Ku tahu kau s'lalu ingin denganku
Ku lakukan yang terbaik
Yang bisa ku lakukan
Tuhan yang tahu ku cinta kau

Jika kau tak percaya padaku
Sakitnya aku
Jika lebih dengar mereka
Sedih hatiku
Banyak cinta yang datang mendekat
Ku menolak
Semua itu karena ku cinta kau.. kau..

Saat kau ingat aku ku ingat kau
Saat kau rindu aku juga rasa
Ku tahu kau s'lalu ingin denganku
Ku lakukan yang terbaik
Yang bisa ku lakukan
Tuhan yang tahu ku cinta kau

Saat kau ingat aku ku ingat kau
Saat kau rindu aku juga rasa
Ku tahu kau slalu ingin denganku
Kau tahu ku juga ingin denganmu
Ku tahu kau s'lalu ingin denganku
Ku lakukan yang terbaik
Yang bisa ku lakukan
Tuhan yang tahu ku cinta kau

met with asmeralda just now,
we play some hide n seek game.
mr human fetch cos i am tooo afraid!
(secret)
and i would like to thank asmeralda
for being there.
i miss playing those type of games .

and suddenly,
i got alot of shocking news,
but watever happen,
i have chosen human .

&

ya , im in LOVE.

and GIRLS!
MORE OUTING PLSSSS!
I WANT YOU ALLL!!! LIKE
F.U.C.K.
doink2.

2009-11-30T13:13:00.002+08:00

went to sheesha as plan.
alot of pic.
but im jus lazy to update.
so u can have a peep at asmeralda blog.
=)

im not feeling myself.
helpy helpy.
oh god , i just
HATE this feeling . .

and yeah kika,
wats yr next step to your life?
and kika ans.
omg i dont even know WAT!
im so gonna die.

life oh life.
now i miss my secondary life.
i dont care being SIXTEEN.

oh puh-lease people,
how could i walk and smile at every single one of you.
i will look so stupid and bimbo.
i am sorry if i did not smile at you or give u tat fcuk up face.
i dont even know who u are ,
and maybe i dont even see you .
and that's why OKEY?
so again i am sorry.
and maybe its just this face,
or maybe i was just too tired when i was at town.
so please dont judge me,
when u dont even have the initiative to walk up to me.
and at least say.
" HEY LADY KOKIKA? I AM YOUR SILENT READER, WEE"
okey?
thank u.

DONT JUDGE ME WHEN U HAVE NOT
TALK TO ME OKEYYYY!!! URRRR

2009-11-26T11:23:00.003+08:00

I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and all your lover's revenge
You and me could write a bad romance

Ooooh
Caught in a bad a romance (x2)

Rah-Rah-Rah-ah-ah
Ro-Mah-Ro-Mah-Mah
Gaga-oo-la-la
Want your bad romance

I want your horror
I want your design
Cause you're a criminal as long as you're mine
I want your love (love, love, love)
I want your love

I want your psycho
Your vertigo stick
When your in my rear window
Baby your sick
I want your love (love, love, love)
I want your love (love love love I want your love)

caught in a bad romance

2009-11-25T23:19:00.003+08:00

all beautiful dreams comes to an end.
all happy things will come to an end with tears.
life will never be beautiful forever.
and thats why be prepare for the worst.

the worst will come one day,
and it will not care whether we are prepared or not.
the only we can only do is to.
be strong and fight the tide.

and what if we fail to fight it,
dont worry , at least we tried.
at least we have the confident,
to face up this fight.

life itself is a battlefield . .
but
not all humans fight for it.
and thats why .
not all human
success in their life.

and i know whatever that had happen,
is not a real war in my life.
but i know its coming soon.
when i realy start living my own life.
and thats when u realise,
u need your family ,
and yes of course ,
your friends.

now, i am in my la-la land.
where everything is going well and fine..
i hope it could always stay this way.
but oh my, life is not a disneyland,
its a plain patch of grass , i guess.
where u build your own home, family.
and watever shit.

and lastly,
i have a few months to go ,
b4 ite comes to an end.
& i hope that at least,
poly would be the next step of my life.

i miss my alethea girls..

and
mr human, lets stay strong.

toodles.

2009-11-18T18:23:00.006+08:00

and im back to this skin.
cause i think this is the best for now.
=)

well lets list things i had done
for this past few days i guess.
- paranormal activities with all my alethea sisters
- my gf is an agent with mr human ,and out for a date.
- 2012 -with makayla &asmeralda -lunch.

and not adding up
with the lepak moments i had with
asmeralda and mr human.
wuuhh im soo missing my home sweet home.
but nevermind.
im happy , yeh . i think so.

&
i think im stress up.
i think my brain is full to the max.
with studies, frens, family , auntie wedding, human.
omg.. i need space and air.

oh my oh my.
i just hope that there will b a day
where the word "why" will vanish from the dictionary.
i hate tat particular word.
it makes me think ,people think deeper.
and more deeper it gets, the more confused it gets too.
why is the earth round?
why is it this way and not that why?
why am i happy? why am i sad?
why why why.
f. toot rytE?
i know, sux.

my mum say.
dont be greedy ,
as u might not get to see or realise
that wat u have now,
maybe, u wont get it again later on in yr life.
and its all because of the cheesecake
that she bakes , and she swear that she wont bake it animore.
and me n my bro just eat it without really tasting it or appreciate it taste.
but after she say that.
i know somehow,
she is telling me something about life..
and i thank u mum
for giving me hidden phrases.
and at least make me think..
mwah.

upcoming events,
my aunt is getting married.
bz time.
and ya.
meeting human in half an hour time.
and im still here bloggin.
=DD

so toodles,
X.O.X.O

2009-11-13T11:28:00.005+08:00

still have not found the skin for my blog.
tsk2.
i still have not taken pictures to put as my wallpaper.
tsk2.
and ya. i think it has been ages since i last pamper myself
with camera,lollipops, late night movie alone.
dress up just to b diff .
combing my own hair, straighten ,curl it , treatment it.
oh now i miss myself.
oh no, and my pose are fading, i look damn fake.

additional to why i decide to change my skin,
is that i guess teenage life is more than drama,lies and tears.
its more about love, friends, enjoy, but in the end
u will not feel contented with wat u've done.
and u keep asking more for the next day.
well, as for love,
as usual teenage love,
there will be drama, and watever shit.
but now
im thinking of perfect and unperfect.
i hate me when i start thinking of something.

like duh,
there is no perfect girl in this world,
& if they are, they are fake.
pretending, trying hard.
wats wrng being unperfect.
cause my mum told me,
let the guy love your imperfection not your perfection.
oh thank u momy.

and girls,
why shud they keep on talking.
gossiping about others,
well in a way to bring tat person down
or shits.
normal,
girls = jealousy.
and yeah , we can never run away from that nature.
they jus couldnt see girls tat are better than them
physically or mentally.
so keep on talking,
and if u do not have anything to talk about.
well, i will give u something to talk about.
but in the end.
i am a girl too.
so no offense.

and to my like 5 girls who
have jus broke up with your guy.
let it be this way.
lets not chase for those guy.
lets jus move on and show them
lets say,
" hey dude, u think i care? fuck yr love"
fuck the past.
and kiss the future.
cos single ladies are back on the road.
and yeah, single guys are gonna chase them.
so who is losing?
the guys? or us?
hah.

lately, i been thinking alot.
and yeah if i was to write every single thing.
then this post wont come to its end.
and my blog wont be ready.

just one more thing okie?
i miss my alethea alot
and hell ya , i cant wait for this sat.
im goin to kiss every single of my ladies.

mr human,
for now, for now and i repeat for now.
thanks for yr cncern and care.
and due to all the stupid guys in my past.
im just goin to say this.
i hope, hope , that you wont leave me hanging.
cause im sick being on the road.
=))

and finally
my favourite phrase.
if you guys wants a perfect girl,
go buy yourself a barbie doll,
but oops, she has no hole.
so now,
who is perfect??!!?

2009-11-11T12:43:00.003+08:00

met up with asmeralda and yaya yesterday.
guess what ?
guess!
we saw meel,mal at mac tmart.
join force with them, fiq and mal date came.
laugh all the way.
thanks to "noneng"
omg i miss those bunch alot =DD.
yesterday was magic.
and fiq took my bands!

before that met with human.
woho.!

if im not wrng ,
i cant wait for sheeeeessshaaaa session sat.
cannot wait !
wuhu!

overall,
im happy!
so happy !
=DDDDD!!

" its jus something in your eyes,
that made me realise
now i hear voices deep inside.
telling its u and me."
- samantha mumba..

mwax people!

2009-11-09T14:56:00.001+08:00

fights after fights.
drama after drama.
and after all that,
im still strong and surviving.
thanks to mr human.

i am loving my qeen asmeralda.
pls dont be sooo sad .
=)))

i miss my alethea gals.

and i miss u human

2009-11-07T15:03:00.003+08:00

overall , i am pissed.
the only person who knows my real past is me
my beshfren ,my mum , my dad. whoever
would not really know what has happen in my past.
and the only truth will only come out from my own mouth.
yet, u listen to her.
again and again.
and u stressed,
because of course , she will exaggerate the story.
why should we believe in our enemy?
oh god, do something to human brain.
human WAKE UP!
i hate you for this.
when the day come when u realise she is the biggest BITCH.
then come to me.

haish.
its like.
human believe more in that girl.
than me.
me
its me.
its me.
its me.
its me.
its me
its me human.
i feel so ....
nobody.
yeah , nobody.

2009-11-06T17:01:00.004+08:00

and what if u just realise that u do not belong there?
and u realise that u miss your old self.
and what if the one that u love hates u behaving like the past.
what if .
what if.

oh human,
i miss your smell.
=)