Diary

Lady

Cliques

Gossips

when i already decided to make a huge turn in my life.
to find a job,
having my own resume ,cover letter.
going for interviews.
sending emails of my resume.
i got a call from polytechnic.
and that night .
i have to make a huge u turn in my life.
to prepare for studies.
and when i received ,
it stated. culinary.
what? cooking?
nothing to do with accounting
and it does not match my interest.
should i force myself into it.
or should i just take a break
and go for next year.
yah, i decide to give poly a skip.
and that i need to make A HUGE turn again in my life.
in just this one month.
i make 3 turns.
dont u know how much it affect me?
how much i suffer to adapt to everything.
its not easy.

furthermore having a brother who just wont understand.
he thought i was playing around
or yeah if i did , i dont bother to appeal.
but culinary, sorry its not my tea.
or ya maybe i was being choosy.
but whose life is it.
mine or yours?
i dont know what god have for me next year.
but for goodness sake,
i hope.
im hoping.
and those phrases.
" u are lying to yrself"
"its not gonna happen"
" if this year i cant why next year i can"
" u think u are a princess"
" u think u can get what u want"
all this hurts.
im not lying.
it hurts deeply inside.
my own brother wont motivate me.
how sad is that.
as im writing this ,
im crying again n again .
and i just wont stop.


and you know why.
cos my love one arent there.
my mother goes all okey with my brother .

and my boyfriend.
i dont know where he is.
i dont have a clue.
does he know it.
or he just care about the past.
i dont know.

im so demoralise.
im totally in pain.
everything ache.
too pain.
very painful.


please SAVE me.
no..
let me be here.
its okay.
let me have this moment.
this crying moment.




and yeah,
again,
the person u need the most.
will not be there.


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