Diary

Lady

Cliques

Gossips

( long post)

& i told myself a million time yest.
it was a biggest mistake.
yet, i cant forgive myself
for hurting an innocent boy.


heart ,love,feelings.
they tend to get mix up every now and then.
sometimes i dont even know wat im really feeling.
what i really wanted.
what i really need.
who i really love, who i really treasure.
who i really wanted to be with.

and when i ask myself this qns.
i cant get a clear ans.
im not sure whether its the answer.
and then ,it will be the moment of my own sadness.

& why do they chase us like hell..
but when i have open my heart for them
they will treat me like crap.
like shit, worst than tat.

i've fallen in love many2 times.
i get out of love many2 times.
i hurt becos of love many2 times.
i bullshit with love many2 times.
why does it feel the same with everyone.
and now. its yr turn to do shit with me.

what have i really done
to deserved all this.
have i ever betray love.
i dont remember, but as far i know.
i dont.


oh pls boy, stop this shit..
cant my blog have a really beautiful story?
dont my blog deserve tat story?

& one more thing.
im losing myself.
the one tat i always share everyting.
joke around.
is accepting the offer of being steward.
and will stay in dubai in the next 2 month.
then who will i joke with?

now i really want to follow his steps.
but again.
would i leave everyting behind?
would i leave my fren and stay there?
my family?
i dont think so.
they are my everyting .

& people wud say.
mature. think about yr future.
catch yr dreams.
this is one in a lifetime moment.
but would i be happy if i have achieve my dreams.?
after leaving a beautiful family, beautiful sisters, friends?
laughter.
nothing feels happier than being with our loved ones.
thats what i think.

ya and now people wud say
u are stupid.
u are so stupid.
u are the most idiotic gal i ever met.
watever .
im done being selfish..
i cannot afford to lose everyone i love.
jus to achieve those stupid dreams.

there is no way.
u can find. a new family.
a new cousins.
a new true friends.
and they are the ones tat bring those smiles.

and wat would be the next step to life.
diploma.
who knows. i can be accepted in sia or become a real acountant.
no matter which poly i get into.
i just need my diploma.
tats all.

&
im not afraid to move on .
i move on alot.
but i aint gonna move on without my loved one.

and so.
its time to appreciate them.
cause any minute.
they can leave u .anytime.
and if u say u dont care.
i think its better u leave in a tunnel full of dirt, u selfish.
i just cannot imagine if i lose my dad or mum,
cause i have not spend enuf quality time with them
i dont want things to repeat, so how can i really go away frm them?


toodles.
im done talking